Bat Shit Crazy Busy - No Reprieve for the Broke College Professor

Between research, side hustling, extreme budgeting and P90X'ing, this picture embodies my feelings right now.

Diet and Exercise - My weight is virtually unchanged since I posted my progress pics a few weeks ago.  Blame the scattered exercise and "start a new diet on Monday but quit by Tuesday" mentality for this impasse.  Even the anticipation (and threat) of a vacation in Cancun with my slim and trim baby sister hasn't gotten me to "ack right".  What has seemed to work is my husband pushing me to finish P90X and working out with me when I'm losing gas and the anticipation of finally not going over my budget because of dining out/fast food for the first time in well...ever.  Thankfully, I'm teaching online this summer so I still have some time to hone some home-cooking/brown bagging skills.

Budgeting - I am currently reading "The Frugalista Files" by Natalie McNeal.  In the book, she provides diary entries about her journey to become debt-free starting with a vow of frugality in February 2008 where she saved $348 by not eating out, getting her hair and nails professionally done or shopping for new clothes.  It's been an eye-opener to some of my financially promiscuous ways.  I'm going to do a mini-version of McNeal's vow of frugality starting 7/8/2011 through 7/31/2011.  With my vacation looming, I need to make sure I don't overspend and have to dip into my August paychecks to cover vacation expenses.  I budgeted $1000 for this trip and so far, I've spent $585 on airfare.  My sister and I are splitting the hotel costs which means $416.  If you are keeping up, this means I'll be short $1.  Luckily our hotel is all-inclusive and with no-buying for the next 3 weeks or so (and 2 side hustle checks coming before our trip), I'm hoping to have another $200-$300 to spend on incidentals.  For the last few weeks, I've been scouring online clothing stores because I "need" a new bathing suit, dress, shorts, etc.  In reality, I have closets full of space bags with summery gear including a new pair of cage heels I bought in April.  Nope, I need to make do with what I have.  I'm giving myself $20 to get any necessary alterations instead of buying new stuff for a 5 day trip.

Side Hustlin' - I'm teaching 4 online courses right now.  Yes, I'm insane but if I want to pay off my revolving debt in a year, I'm going to need to suffer through carpal tunnel syndrome and my astigmatism just a bit longer.  Seriously, the online courses aren't bad apart from grading which I hate in my brick and mortar classes.  The academic standards are lower but I've learned how to protect the "A" grade while not getting too worked up about arbitrary rules from the online university that require me to coddle grown ass students.  I do my work and don't complain (well, not about the administration) because I'm fortunate to have this extra income.

Researchin' - I was given a 2 week extension to submit a draft of an article to an academic journal.  I haven't written a word.  I did meet with a colleague to brainstorm and organize the article but I just don't have any writing mojo.  The problem is, I have about 5 good days to crank the bad boy out.  Ay caramba!  If I don't get this done, my stress and anxiety about my 4th portfolio will increase by a 1000 so I need to get crackin' so I don't crack up. 

The Debt Reduction Resolution - In Progress

$11670.....

That was my total revolving debt on January 1, 2011. I made a New Year's resolution (yet again) to lose weight and pay off this debt. But this time, I said my financial resolution out loud and my husband heard me. Dang it! The man can be a machine when he puts his mind to something. Me? I'm more of a "que sera, sera" kinda gal. But after my husband challenged me to pay off this debt and he would in turn save aggresively for a downpayment on our dream vacation home, I knew I couldn't back away.

The problem is that I still have the horrible eating out habit. Seriously, I spend about $300-$400 per month eating out and we spend about $200 per month on groceries that go to waste about 20-30% of the time. To make this challenge work I had to buckle down. I have failed miserably when classes are in session but luckily, I am paying off my bills BEFORE I dine out. Go figure as to why I hadn't thought of this sooner. D'oh! Anyway, by dropping $$$ on my revolving debt as soon as it hits my hand, I have actually reduced my fast food and restaurant consumption by 25%. This means I am spening $75-100 less each month on food and paying my debt faster.

My current revolving debt is $8630. I am teaching summer classes so I anticipate paying off two cards in full by the end of August leaving me with approximately $3000 remainng. I don't know if I can get it all paid by the end of December but already this is a vast improvement. If only I could stop the Jack in the Box runs.....

My Weight Regain(s) Story

I participate on a Black Hair Care Forum and in the Fitness Area, someone asked about our re-gain(s).  Basically the question is what causes us to regain weight (emotional, psychological, physical reasons), if we have the right type of support and how can we prevent a regain in the future.  I was the only person, thus far, who said I had multiple regains over the years which tells me that (1) I'm capable of losing a significant amount of weight (2) my past mentality toward maintenance has been "consequences be damned" which is counter-productive to an attempt at lasting weight-loss.

Here's the Good, Bad and Ugly

The Re-gain(s)

1. I lost 38 pounds in '95/'96 using Jenny Craig. Once you hit your half-way point, they put you on the 5/2 plan in which you make your own food twice a week. I really struggled with my own meals eating all the foods I missed (mostly fast food). I tried to blame the expense of the program for me quitting but in retrospect it was my unwillingness to change. I barely exercised when I did the program and once I got a full-time job and worked on my master's degree part-time, I gained it all back within a year.

2. After moving to Ohio to work on my Ph.D., I found out my blood pressure was sky high and my cholesterol was off the charts. So I joined WW and quickly lost 25 pounds. But I am a Cali girl and I wasn't accustomed to snow so I abandoned any form of exercise and hibernated like I was a big brown bear instead of a human female in need of movement.  This was in 1999.





3. Moved back home to California in 2002. Despite a crazy commute, being caregiver to my ill grandparents and still working on my dissertation, I did Weight Watchers again and lost 25 pounds again. I kept it off for two years. I ramped up my exercise and faithfully went to meetings.

4. Moved back to Ohio again to finish my degree and take a job that a friend set-up for me. Joined a gym and fell in love with weight training. My weight stabilized but could never lose because my eating habits never really improved. Got engaged and moved back to California in 2006.

5. My grandmother who basically raised me was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I ate to deal with my emotions.  All the while, I taught college full-time, planned a wedding and fought with my dissertation committee. Weight blew up to 225 pounds...Fit into my wedding dress like a fat sausage. My gram died 4 months later and I continued to eat.

6. For the last four years my weight has hovered around 200-210. The weight I have lost is due to my exercise routines: running, The FIRM, Jillian, P90X. I am considerably smaller in size but my eating habits continue to be a struggle and I discovered that when I procrastinate in paying bills or completing work tasks, I get anxious and stressed and I eat for comfort.Although diagnosed with Adult ADD a few years ago, I only made the connection to my weight about a year or so ago.

7. Family support isn't my issue.  Managing my ADD-inattention issues is the source of my emotional eating.  While I've made quite a bit of changes, I still have a ways to go. One thing that has kept me from blowing up to 250 and beyond is having my online journal and friends to support me. I'm realizing how much this emotional/psychological part plays in my success and instead of fighting my ADD, I just need to find the right tools to help me manage my environment.

Weight Loss Update

...Only a few months late!

After the Win,Lose or Blog competition, I was in the "weight loss wilderness" doing a little bit of everything and nothing including running, Weight Watchers, Belly Fat Cure Diet, FIRM DVDs, Zumba for Wii...You get the point but nothing consistent in terms of exercise and diet.  My husband was on hiatus from P90X from an injury but once he was healed, he was planning to tackle it again. 

He asked me to join him and I hesitated and finally relented and said yes.  WTH was I thinking? The first week was beyond hard and I was so incredibly sore.  Plyo X made me feel like my lungs were going to cave in and hey, isn't yoga supposed to be gentle? Not with P90X.  Nonetheless, I've stuck with it because of my husband pushing and supporting me.  I didn't do it for him but I did it because of him.  I'm wrapping up week 10 today and ashamed as I should be by this pictures, I'm proudly displaying them because of my awesome results.  Keep in mind, I haven't followed the diet AT ALL.  In fact, I haven't followed a diet up until 2 weeks ago and I haven't lost much scale weight. (Ignore the ugly, ill-fitting bathing suit, please!)

Living with ADHD

Four years ago, I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD (inattention variety).  My inability to focus at home, procrastinate with work projects, keep my house and office tidy and being late for appointments was causing strain in my marriage and accounts for years of stress eating and inconsistent exercise.  It was important for me to get to the bottom of it and come up with a plan.

My therapist found me to be a unique case because I had off the charts Inattention symptoms but I thrived academically.  Normally people with ADHD, including adults, don't do well with academic work. But I had a doctorate by the time I was diagnosed so my therapist probed further to find out what was my coping strategies.  When I explained how I went about doing my research, he concluded that I was adept at "hyper-focusing" where I could shut out distractions and get my work done when I knew I was accountable to someone else (i.e. a professor).  This realization meant that I could possibly tackle my symptoms without medication (which could have potentially altered my personality, energy levels, etc) by developing strategies that created order in my life.

At home, I created places were I would always place my keys, an area to stack the monthly bills, designated a day to do laundry and a day to clean the house.  My home life and relationship with my husband improved greatly.  My husband also purchased a dry-erase calendar for me so I could write out important dates and appointments.  I still misplace things but not nearly as much as I used to.

The greater challenge has been at work.  I'm a college professor and my routine changes every 16 weeks. Usually the first 2 weeks of the semester are chaotic with new courses, students, and changing obligations. The last week of the semester is nutty as well as I'm usually trying to get my grading done and tie up any loose ends.  Add to this my research, obligations and you'll see how having ADHD is no picnic for a college professor.  In fact, I'd say that I need alot of work on developing a routine for my work environment. 

I don't want ADHD to be a crutch.  Sometimes, I'm just lazy and I need to own that.  Hence the reason, I opted for cognitive therapy as opposed to medication.  Some days are harder than others but I firmly believe that if I keep at it, I'll eventually develop a solid routine that will help me get my work done and alleviate a good majority of stress in my life. 

Another Year Older and Wiser???

I turned 38 on Friday....I ain't shame to admit it because I look damn good for my age (thanks to good Black and Asian genes).  I don't feel physically older but I do admit that I'm tired.  I love my husband, our home, what I do for a living but I'm a bit sick of my current work environment and my finances need a lot of work.

I am working on the finances via my side hustle and an interest-free loan from the hubster.  I've cut back pretty dramatically on my spending (doing my own hair, only buy clothes when I drop a size and can't wear parachute looking pants anymore).  Eating out continues to be a big expense but I'm trying to crawl before I can walk so I'm trying to reduce my fast food restaurant trips to twice a week M-F and once on the weekends.  Some weeks have been better than others but I'll get there eventually.

As for the work environment, I've decided the only way to improve it....apart from totally checking out mentally is to secure a book contract and leverage that to get more release time.  As a professor one of my primary duties is to conduct research and though I have 2 (and a possible) publications already under my belt (need 2 and high teaching ratings for tenure), I figure with a book contract, I can justifiably ask for a reduced teaching load so I can concentrate on my research. This will give me the ability to work from home more and hence, reduce my stress level.  My goal is to have my book proposal out to potential publishers by the first of June so I have my work cut out for me.

As I'm getting older, I'm learning how to say "no" without feeling any guilt.  Just last week, I was invited to speak on a panel about a topic I am an expert in but have mixed feeling about.  A few years ago, I would have said yes just to put another line on my C.V. but now I'd rather use my energy on things that not only advance my career but also speak positively to my soul.   Hmmm....maybe I am getting wiser.

Final Win, Lose or Blog Stats

The Win, Lose or Blog competition ended this week and I came in 5th out of 8th.  I lost 6lbs which translates to 2.8% weight loss.  I also lost 1.5" off my chest, 1" from my waist, 1.5" from my lower pooch, 1" from my hips and 0.5" from my thighs.  Considering how sick I got with tonsillitis and busy with teaching at 2 universities and organizing a conference, I feel really good about these numbers.  Actually, I'm most proud of the fact that now Old Navy XXL blouses are way too big for me.  Wahoo!

So I press on...I have 27 more pounds to lose so I will keep plugging away with diet and exercise.  Yesterday, I had a bout with sour stomach brought on from indulging in too much fast food.  So I'll take that as a sign and try to steer clear of that stuff. 

 

Opps, I Did It Again *Sigh*

....I don't think I will ever learn at the rate I'm going.  I had another ridiculous stupid money month in February where I've spent $254 on dining out (this doesn't include our joint grocery budget).  The problems started in January when someone was able to charge $1200 in new smartphones onto my debit card while I was in Europe.  I had the card with me so it came as a total shock when I looked at my checking account balance.  Fortunately, my credit union gave me a temporary credit so I could pay my bills.  Cool. But I'm an idiot who likes to tempt fate and I dipped into the money once Amazon credited my account.  Idiot, I know....I was short $400 and had to take an advance on my payroll saving account to cover the cost.

Fortunately, the interest rate is negligible but I do have to pay the full amount back at the end of February.  D'oh! To complicate things, I still have 3 checks out which haven't been paid and again I dipped into that money. Shit! I had to take yet another advance to cover those checks and tomorrow is my husband's birthday and he usually gets shafted b/c I can't seem to manage my money through the end of the month. Luckily, I got paid today from my side hustle. Whew!

Now I'm able to pay off all the bills, buy my momma a gift for her birthday (also in February), celebrate DH's birthday without handing him a card with an IOU note inside and put $300 toward my credit card bills (this in addition to the minimums I pay each month).  But this leaves only $50 of "play money" for March.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I am determined to get a handle on this "non-budgeted" spending if it kills me.  I'm already planning to sell some stuff to raise funds but I need to stop eating out so much esp. since I grocery shop and cook pretty regularly.  I found myself ravenous this AM when I was getting our living room ready for the arrival of new furniture.  It wasn't like we didn't have food....I was just too lazy to prepare it. But the $254 is imprinted into my brain and I scrambled to find a way to buy something quick.  Luckily, my husband had just given me a $10 Subway Card.  Wahoo!  Since they are having a $5 footlong sandwich promotion, I got a 12" sandwich which I had for 2 meals (breakfast and lunch).  I already had some pork chops thawing so guess what's for dinner?

After DH's birthday dinner tomorrow (which I have budgeted for), it will be brown bag lunches - chili, stews, salads, casseroles.  I honestly don't have a choice if I want to ever get out of debt. Urgh! I hate that I'm back at the drawing board.

Weight Loss Update

I got back on the weight loss wagon upon my return from vacation with a goal of getting out of the "obese" category for 2011.  This means I need to lose 28 pounds.  To make sure I got off to a good start, I applied to be a contestant on Win, Lose or Blog which is a seven-week weight loss competition where the contestants must blog their experience.  Two weeks in, I'm down 5lbs.  Go, me!!!  I'm not winning the competition nor do I really care if I win....I just know that blogging about my weight loss ups and downs is helping me deal with my emotional eating, develop new habits and stay motivated. You can check out my blog at http://winloseorblog-donna.blogspot.com/

I'm following the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program and I absolutely love it.  I'm eating more fruits and veggies than ever before and also keeping my starchy carb intake in check.  I'm also loving Zumba for Wii because I'm having a blast and sweatin' like a 'ho in church.  I am still doing my FIRM DVDs and recently purchased their newest system called the FIRM Express Set (though I'm waiting and waiting for their customer service reps to get my damn order right).

My first Non-Scale Victory (NSV) was fitting comfortably back into my Old Navy "Flirt" Mid-Rise Skinny Jeans without having my stomach bulge out so far that it looked like a booty.  I bought these jeans for our trip to England and by the end of the trip, they were cutting off the circulation in my belly and thighs.  Not anymore...dropping 5lbs is already making a difference. 

Me and the Hubbs are planning a trip to Florida in late March/early April and I'd like to be down another 15lbs by then. But more importantly, I'd like to be back into a size 14 blouse/12 bottom (I'm top heavy) because I have a bunch of clothes in those sizes that I haven't worn since 2003.

Next update in 2 mo' weeks....

The Eternal Skeptic Goes Life-Mapping

I'm skeptical by nature. Add to the fact that I'm an academic and you can see why things like "personal coaching" and "manifesting your destiny" type of books and workshops never really held much appeal for me.  But I recently came across a blog called http://www.happyblackwoman.com in which a young African American woman hosts web seminars and blogs focused on career and personal coaching.  Ever the skeptic I am I thought, "I don't need this.  I'm grown with multiple degrees, a good job, a husband and a house."  But when the blog owner offered a free Life Map exercise, I downloaded the booklet and wow, did it open my eyes.  I never realized how little I paid attention to goal-setting, planning and organization.  But after doing the exercises, it made me look over my own blog posts to see how much of a mess my finances were in, for instance.  I then realized that even though I'm a 30-something, educated professional woman with a husband and house, I still needed to bring focus to my goals and that I shouldn't stop dreaming.

The Life Map places "You" at the center and there are seven categories in which you need to develop an "ultimate" goal for each area.  The categories include: Relationships (Intimate or with Friends), Family, Work, Education, Finances, Health and Lifestyle.  Since I'm a college professor trying to get tenure, I've focused almost 70% of my time to work and have neglected other areas which are in desperate need of attention. Once I returned home from vacation, my first order of business was to develop my life map because I needed to bring focus and intentionality to what I was doing. Spending so much time on work was taking a toll on my relationship with my husband, my weight ballooned, spent too much money on fast food and ways to escape and basically was living life on default.  So here's what I've come up with:

• Relationships: (1) Show more gratitude to my husband for the "heavy lifting" he does to keep our relationship strong and (2) Do a better job of keeping up with the household chores as this is a bone of contention in our relationship.
• Work: (1) Stop procrastinating with grading because it affects your stress levels and interrupts your research (2) Engage in more service to the profession (i.e. pursue a committee member position for one of your professional organizations (3) Develop and stick to a research/writing schedule
• Family: (1) Call or send hand-written letters to key family members (2) Forgive (but don't forget) grandparents and go visit them.
• Education: (1) Enroll in sewing and creative writing classes for personal enjoyment.
• Health: (1) Achieve a healthy weight so I can (2) become pregnant with no complications.
• Finances: (1) Pay off credit card and student loan debt (Live Debt-Free)
• Lifestyle: (1) Travel and (2) Stay Active with Sorority

I am fortunate that I'm happily married and in a career that I love. I realize, however, that what's been holding my happiness back is my lack of organization and my procrastination tendencies. What this life-mapping exercise is allowing me to do is to focus on things that are important to me and if something comes up that takes my energy away from my goals, reviewing my Life Map can help me ditch that which doesn't work.  I'm tired of having end of the semester meltdowns, losing and gaining the same 10-15lbs, and paying interest on credit cards.  I'm not saying I plan to achieve all of my goals in 2011 but Life Map is helping me getting the ball rolling.

I honestly started to get down a bit because I thought I had to surrender to the routine of going to work, paying bills and keeping a clean house.  What I realize now is that if I get organized, I can do all of those things plus the stuff that brings me joy. Maybe this life coaching stuff isn't a bunch of gimmicky hocus-pocus....We'll see :)

Achieving Goals By Raising the Stakes

I used to say that I was "extrinsically motivated" when it came to my diet and exercise goals.  I used to focus on looking good by using an important event as my primary source of motivation.  But over the years and being happily married, the need to look good around others became less important and hitting targets fell by the wayside.  I suppose I've gotten used to not honoring my self-promises because I would set unrealistic goals AND I didn't have something to help sustain my motivation over the long-haul.  So I was intrigued to discover a new goal setting site called Stickk.com in which users set-up Commitment Contracts.  But this isn't your run of the mill written contract that you make with yourself and forget about it the next week.  At Stickk.com, your commitment contract carries a financial penalty for not achieving your goals.  This website was created by economists who realized that when people put their own money or reputation on the line, they are more apt to follow through with their plans. 

At Stickk, you give your money to either their charity or 'anti-charity' of your choice.  You also designate a relative or friend to be your "referee" to monitor your progress and keep you honest.  There is also an option to select which people you want to have access to your goal progress so they can serve as your very own cheerleaders.  For me, the idea of giving money to an "anti-chairty" intrigues me the most...Say my anti-charity was the Sarah Palin Political Action Committee, I would do my damnedest to make sure I didn't have to get that woman a single dollar of my money. 

I'm realizing that I need to avail myself to every tool available so that I can finally drop this weight and get into shape. Obviously, shaping up for "bikini season" wasn't working but the thought of giving the likes of Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin any of my money would keep me up all night dreaming about hopping on the treadmill in the next morning. Time for me to put up or pay up.

I'm Back....And Living Just Enough for Vacation

 2005: Me on a bridge over the Thames River in London (with Big Ben in the Background)

For a few weeks, I've been contemplating reviving my blog as I finally can see the forest from the trees.  I have been extremely busy as always. What college professor trying to get tenure isn't busy?  But because I work full-time at one university, adjunct teach at another and try to stay somewhat active with my sorority, I'm swamped.  Add to it, being married and maintaining a home and you get the drift. 

I finally came to terms with the fact that until I do get tenure, the notion of "balance" is an esoteric dream for me.  Getting tenure not only saves my job but also ensures free college tuition for our yet-to-be-conceived-children and my husband won't leave me for a younger richer model :)  All jokes aside, for the next 3 years, balance ain't happening.  But for the first time since 2008, the hubster and I are going on vacation in a little over a week to England.  We are spending Christmas and New Year's with relatives and friends and will freeze our asses off.  But we're very excited because at least we get the heck out of here. 

We bought a home in January 2009 and then I experienced a 10% salary cut due to state furloughs so a vacation was the last thing on our list. But after we took down our artificial Christmas tree last year, my husband said to me, "I don't care what we have to do but we have to go on vacation next year." So I worked extra gigs, paid off my car and saved up money for our tickets. And honestly, the other thing that has helped me endure craziness at work, article deadlines, grading papers and so forth has been this trip.  For the next 21 days, I'm not going to worry about work, bills, my nosy neighbors, or how much wine I drink goes straight to my belly. 

When we get back home in January, I'm going back to Weight Watchers meetings, resuming my interval run program, donating unused clothes to charity and finally catching up with a massive paper shred project.  But for now, all I can focus on is Ribena (black currant juice), fish and chips, the British Museum and trying to stay warm.

I'm back with dumb choices

After the end of the semester, I figured things would slow down for me and in a way there have but mostly they haven't.  But I don't want this blog to descend into a total abyss of neglect so let's first recap what's been happening with my "Dirty 30's" life.

1. Somehow I got saddled with coordinating our department's graduation reception, printing the graduation programs, writing and delivering the commencement address.  Basically, I did everything and when I got home, I was beat.  To make matters worse, my mentally ill uncle shows up at my house uninvited.
2. I stupidly accepted 3 teaching assignments over the summer and an advising gig. Money was the motivator but damn if I'm not swamped.
3. I have an article deadline of August 15th and I haven't even begun the initial research. Eeek!
4. To get out of finishing the Couch to 5K program again, I told my husband I was going to do a 30 Day Shred, Zumba, occasional run hybrid rotation for July.  Of course, he's holding me to it even though I've got a bright new shiny box of Turbo Fire workouts to try.
5. Decided to spend the month of July tracking my spending and OMG, no wonder I'm always broke.
6. The tags on my car have expired and I got an extension to get my catalytic converter replaced but I don't want to fork over the money since my husband is giving me his car in January.
7. I'm going nuts being cooped up in this house...but I need to save for our trip to England in December.

So basically, I've never really gotten any rest.  I'm moody, irritable and ready to explode.  I have a spa day planned with some girlfriends on Monday but I really can't justify the expense right now (because I just HAD to get a new set of patio furniture, Turbo Fire, Zumba classes and an Oprah magazine on bargain hunting [WTF?] but forgot to pay my Citibank bill). I also had plans to go to my sorority convention but even that is looking dicey now....

Dabnabbit.

I would like to say that being in the Dirty Thirties was hard because of what life throws at you but I'm coming to realize, my life is hard because I make a lot of dumb ass choices.

Just Another Manic End of the Semester

I am giving my last final exam on Tuesday, May 18th at 7pm and I'm going to be happier than a pig in shit when it's all over.  This was probably the absolute craziest and crappiest (sp?) semester on record to date.  Between my neck injury, bronchitis, death of my grandfather, mental breakdown of my uncle, bringing my mom to come live with us, reduced salary due to furloughs, a side teaching gig and one of the work office fights on record, I had to meet an article deadline (thank goodness I made it), teach and grade papers for 4 classes, serve on committees and a host of other crap.  Basically, I was over-burdened with bullshit and lots of it.  Now I think about it, I'm surprised I haven't been sent to an insane asylum by now. 

Usually the end of the academic year is the time when I get manic because there is so much going on.  Writing and grading exams, writing letters of recommendations for graduating seniors, etc.  But this year, I had the added stress of being responsible for organizing our department's Annual Student/Alumni Awards Banquet and plan all of the details for graduation.  I've been counting down to the end of the semester for at least 2 months.  Everyone thought I was being funny but I've felt like I've been on the verge of a breakdown for weeks now.  The thought of just staying home working on my research and teaching my online classes sounds heavenly to me.  At least there will be no 35-mile commute (each way) nor will I have to deal with students and their whining and begging for a passing grade.  Working from home never sounded better...And to think, when I was in my teens and '20s, a vacation wasn't a real vacation unless you left your home.  Nowadays, vacation is simply an escape from the daily grind of work colleagues you really can't stand, avoiding the commute from hell and surrounding myself with the sights, sounds and smells of a comfortable home.  Damn, I'm getting old.

Renewed Weight Loss Motivation: Biggest Loser Challenge

What's this all about: I'm apart of an online community where we regularly have 3-Month Biggest Loser Challenges.  For the 3rd Challenge, I came in second place and won $50.  I organized the 4th Challenge but was sidelined with injury, illness and the death of my grandfather.  Everyone entering must pay $5 and take before and after photos.  Members vote on the person they thought made the biggest visible improvement/changes.

Now that I'm getting my financial house back in order, it's time to work on my weight issues.  I've fluctuated from 195-225 pounds since 2003.  That's pretty sad considering I'm only 5'6".  My only saving grace is that I'm fairly muscular so I've never looked like I weigh over 200lbs.  I started running last year and fell off a bit around Christmas time.  I also did Weight Watchers and used a variety of fitness videos although my absolute favorites are The FIRM.

The Plan: The challenge began on April 19 and so far, so good.  My goal for the next 12 weeks is to lose 15lbs and hopefully two inches off my chest/fatback area and waist, respectively.  My eating plan is basically to stick to my calorie range of no more than 1630 calories per day and eat at least 5 servings of fruit and vegetables and drink 8 cups of water.  Nothing is off-limits but of course I need to exercise portion control.  My exercise regimen will be running and FIRM workouts.  On April 26th, I will begin the FIRM Better Body Rotation which focuses on volume, intensity and recovery with different types of resistance.

Motivation:   Well, I will be attending my sorority's bi-annual Boule (Greek for meeting or conference) in Palm Springs in mid-July.  I haven't seen alot of my sorors (Greek for sisters) in a while because I stopped being active in my chapter due to financial reasons.  So I want to WOW them and feel good when I meet scores of other sorors from across the country.  I am a proud member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Incorporated and we have a membership of over 90K.  I know I'm going to have a blast and it will be so cool to attend the conference 15lbs lighter.  Plus this will move me that much closer to my end of the year goal of losing 30lbs.

Being Honest with Myself About Frugal Living

I am really struggling with embracing frugality as a lifestyle.  As much as I need to pay down my debt and save money for a rainy day, I am really finding it difficult to stay motivated and consistent.  I've already cut out all non-essentials out of my budget including trips to the beauty salon, manicurist and clothing (not really a clothes shopper to tell you the truth).  I gave up being active in my sorority for a year so I could adjust to my shrinking budget and I've recently cut fast food (and the expense of it) out of my diet.  Likewise, I've taken on a side job teaching history online.  So on top of cutting things to the bare bones, I'm busy as hell and tired.

I never learned how to be frugal, pay bills on time, diligent pay down debt or save money at home.  In fact, I've been teetering on the edge of financial ruin up until the day I got my first paycheck from my side hustle this past March.  My motivation to change was brought on by furloughs and wanting to do things that brought me happiness and joy like being actively involved with my sorority and traveling.  But the road to freedom is full of twists, turns and potholes. 

I keep looking at frugal blogs and websites and reading peoples' extreme frugal living adventures and I think to myself, "Although I need to save money, I'm not ready to rinse out Ziploc bags or make homemade household cleaner or stop reading health and fashion magazines."  I'm finally at the point where I'm getting honest with myself about the changes I'm willing to make.  Letting go of my bi-weekly hair appointments was hard initially until I learned how to do my own hair.  Sometimes I have a setback when I try a new style technique but overall, my hair has grown thick and full and I have averaged spending $40 per month as opposed to my usual, $250. 

Since I'm actively trying to lose weight, buying new clothes each week isn't logical or necessary so this was a budget I could readily ZERO out.  Not eating fast food has been challenging to my psyche more than anything but I still have yet to be consistent with making my own meals because I'm still relying on frozen meals to learn portion control. This is definitely a process.   Meh!

With so many approaches to frugality, I guess I was becoming overwhelmed. For some people, it means cutting out all the extras while others think of frugality as finding creative ways to not spend money.  Even after living on the edge financially, at this point, I'm coming to realize that frugality is living with ones' means for the things you need and saving up and sacrificing for those things you want.  I'm not willing to not travel or be active with my sorority sisters but what I am willing to do is to save for these things, finding ways to cut costs on everyday, common expenses and be willing to be patient enough to delay gratification instead of allowing "emotional spending" dig me further into a whole. 

I suppose as I start to see the real tangible benefits of my "small" changes, I'll worry less and less about which approach I subscribe to and instead focus on building upon my successes.

Extreme Budgeting Redux: April 2010 Edition

My first check from my side-hustle kicks in this coming Friday and while I wish I could splurge on a new pair of shoes or load up on some new iTunes downloads, the reality is that I'm playing catch up until mid-May.  After getting sick in February (paid nearly $100 in co-pays and medications) and giving my mom money to travel back East for my grandpa's funeral in early March, things will be tight around here for a bit longer.  Heck, after the financial year I've had, a month and a half is really not that long.  Nevertheless, I have to have a plan to get through this month and a half without getting myself into deeper financial doo-doo.  I've decided to review and revise my budget for April to see how much I could save without going absolutely crazy:

1. My normal monthly hair budget (I do my own relaxers, color, maintenance and "dusting" of my ends) will be zeroed out in April.  I am currently in the midst of a 3-month relaxer stretch and I have a bottle of semi-permanent cellophane that I can use to cover my gray until my next relaxer is due in June. Estimated savings: $40 for the month

2. While I'd normally go to Weight Watchers each week and pay $12, for April, I'm going to go only twice (during the first and third week of the month).  If you miss more than 2 meetings, you have to pay for the missed week but by attending every other week, I can keep my membership current and still save $24 for the month.  This does mean I'll need to be extra diligent about tracking my points and exercising though...but I'm up for the challenge.

3. Reduce my advising hours on campus to twice a month.  I have a 70 mile (total commute) to and from work and that extra day on campus generally means I'll use a half a tank of gas.  I estimate that by reducing my advising hours on campus (and being available for student questions online), I can save about $30 extra bucks for the month.

4. Since I've given fast food the boot, I can't wait to see how much I save now that I'm focused on preparing my own meals.  Estimated savings: $180-$200 per month (and countless inches off my waist)

April (Planned) Reduction in Spending: $94 without fast food savings ($274-$304 includes fast food savings)

Now my husband and I have a joint checking out that we use primarily to pay out joint bills: mortgage, utilities, groceries.  This budget plan doesn't impact any of those bills or that account.  My plan is strictly for my personal checking account.  

Instead of trying to live on a microscopic budget like I attempted in February, for April, I'm cutting out the frills and trying to see how much money I can actually save.  My goal is to have enough money left over in April to be able to use that money to "splurge" on something nice for myself.  There's alot of things about becoming an adult I dislike but budgeting, saving and managing your money has by far been one of the most difficult.  Pray for me.

Bad Habit - No Excessive Snacking

I did really well with my No Fast Food Challenge this week.  I did have a turkey and ham sandwich from Subway but it really doesn't count as traditional fast food because it's fresh and I didn't have cheese or mayo.  As I was reading another website, I came across this article from the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK about the dangers of fast food: McDonald's Happy Meal Has 12 Month Shelf Life - GROSS! 
This is yet another reason to avoid fast food.  I also managed to lose 1.4lbs this week.  Yay!  And since I only managed 3 runs last week, I know my weight is down because I have been eschewing fast food.  Don't get me wrong I was tempted twice last week but I reminded myself that I had good food at home and if I wanted to indulge, I could only have Subway.  Limiting my on-the-go options to just Subway helped me stay in control.

This week's Bad Habit Break-Up will be excessive late-night snacking.  The reality is, I often have a snack after dinner.  Generally, I only have lean protein and steamed vegetables for dinner.  I started this recently so that I could save my carb for my snack.  And so far, it's working well.  Basically, I have a Fiber One Bar with some yogurt or a bag of 94% fat free popcorn and it's just enough to satisfy my craving without going overboard.  My concern this week is when I am up late working and trying to keep my snacking to a minimum when I'm crazy busy, bored or tired.  These are the times I'm most likely to "snack binge" - or have way too many servings of snacks in one sitting.  So my goal for the week is to rein in the outta control snacking.

Bad Habit Breakup: Week One - No Fast Food

I rejoined Weight Watchers about 4 weeks ago and since that time I've GAINED 1.4lbs.  WTF?  Basically, I have been half-ass doing the program and I've slipped back into some of my worst eating and exercise habits.  I've been eating fast food like it's gone out of style and because of my injury/illness, I haven't exercised consistently since last November.  It's no wonder I have gained since I restarted. 

I don't know quite know how to explain this but usually when I go back to Weight Watchers, I try to use the program to address all of my bad habits simultaneously.  Almost like I think the program will help me deal with emotional eating or lack of exercise because I don't want to embarrass myself on the scale.  But since Weight Watchers doesn't prohibit any food, I have been following the spirit of the plan and that's why I'm struggling with gains instead of loses.  Case in point, I had 8 fast food meals last week and not all of them were grilled chicken sandwiches with no mayo either.  I had Jack in the Box tacos on at least 2 separate occasions and although fried zucchini isn't as bad as French fries, it is still fried food.  Add to the fast food frenzy was the fact that I said birthday calories don't count and had 4 slices of Spiced Bavarian Cream cake in a two-day period.  I like Weight Watchers for it's flexibility but I have to be the one to exercise some self-control.

I've identified my 7 bad dietary habits and for the next 7 weeks or so, I'm going to tackle each one.
Dietary Bad Habits List
1. Eating too much fast food (due to failure to meal plan and prep ahead of time)
2. Excessive snacking after dinner (and away from prying eyes)
3. Not enough fruits and vegetables on a consistent basis.
4. Not recognizing fullness; Eating 'till I'm stuffed
5. Drinking entirely too much diet soda
6. Not consistently tracking/journaling food intake
7. Blowing off too many scheduled workouts
So this week, my goal is to follow the Weight Watchers plan but to do it without any fast food.   This means I need to meal plan, prep food and follow through by eating what I've prepared.  It's not like I don't like cooking but it does mean I need to manage my time better. Mondays are my research days at home so I can use the mornings to plan, prep and store meals.  I have a rough idea of what I'm going to do so I'll be sure to post recipes and pictures tomorrow. 

Why address fast food first?  Well, I believe I've developed a fast food addiction.  I'm addicted to not only the convenience of it but also the layering of fat, salt and sugar.  I read The End of Overeating by David Kessler who was the former head of the USFDA.  Kessler says that when his administration of the FDA required food sold in stores to be labeled with nutrition information, the restaurant industry was left mostly unregulated.  This meant that restaurants could use any means necessary to keep customers filling their seats and their preferred method was to over-stimulate the brain's appetite functions with what he calls "layering food".  Layering, for example, is to "double" the amount of fat, salt and sugar to a food to make a person crave it even when they are full.  A real-world example would be Chili Sante Fe Egg Rolls.  Kessler says that these Egg Rolls come to the restaurant already fried and then frozen.  So they are fatty to begin with but the restaurant re-fries them and the unassuming customer is now eating double the amount of saturated and trans-fat they'd normally consume.  Constantly eating foods like this over-stimulates the brain which sends gherlin, a hormone in the pancreas, to trigger a hunger response.

What does this mean for weight loss?  Eating fast food and trying to simultaneously lose weight is like climbing uphill with roller skates on.  Sure, there are healthier options out there but part of weight loss is managing your environment to ensure your success.  I can't have chips and dips in my house and expect to resist them day after day so why continue eating fast food when it causes a similar uncontrollable urge to over-eat response in me?  So for this week, I'm going cold turkey on fast food and building from there.  This is going to be the hardest challenge yet, methinks. 

Another Year Older

 The Birthday Girl Being Silly at Work (Notice the Hair Decorations From the Cake)

Yesterday (March 11th) was my 37th birthday.  Since my birthday always seems to fall on a weekday, they usually end up being pretty uneventful affairs.  But luckily, I have a great hubby and friends who always make me feel special.  This birthday was difficult because my grandfather Everett was buried in Arlington National Cemetary on March 11th.  But I soldiered on knowing my grandfather is no longer in pain and probably raising hell already up in heaven. 

I woke up to birthday greetings from my husband and then he gave me what I hoping he would get me.  A $100 New Balance Store gift certificate.  Yipee!  Can't I tell you how triflin' I've been about getting new running shoes?  Well, I wore the last pair down so much that after my last run about 2 weeks ago, I could barely walk for three days! $%@#!  After work I went straight to the New Balance Store and got these beauties (and some SuperFeet Inserts for my falling arches).

I understand that most shoe salespeople work on commission but why did the saleswoman offer me some silver shoelaces to go with my shoes?  When I promptly told her I only run on a treadmill, she looked a bit embarrassed for even offering. 

Right before my 10am class, I get a text message from my friend Jen saying there was a surprise for me in the work fridge.  Oh Lord!  Last year, Jen surprised me with a carrot cake that was sinful and divine.  What was she up to this time? :o) 

After class, I literally skipped back to my office to discover that Jen had bought me a Spiced Bavarian Creme Cake that was absolutely delicious.  It was so beautifully decorated though that I was almost (and almost being the operative word here) too afraid to cut it.  I had 2 huge slices at work because birthday calories don't count.

When I got home, my husband asked me if we could postpone my birthday dinner to Sunday.  He just had an oral surgery the day before and could only eat soup so he wouldn't be able to eat anything on the menu and since I wanted to go out and buy the new Sade CD, I was more than happy to postpone it. I went out and bought the long-awaited Soldier of Love CD.  I haven't gotten past the first two songs yet because I keep replaying them over and over again.  Sade's voice is beautiful as ever and I'm mad that she is 52 years old and still looks this damn good:

So although it was a relatively quiet birthday, I'm happy to celebrate another year with close family and friends and though my grandpa EJ is gone, he'll never be forgotten.