Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Things Fall Apart

Right now, I don't feel like doing shit.  It's raining like cats and dogs, my husband is home sick and I'm moody and irritable from my monthly visitor.  Still, these aren't totally legit excuses because "excuses are the skin of the truth packed with lies" as my 7th grade English teacher, Mrs. Leslie used to say.  Nevertheless, I'm finding it challenging to get my head into the game.  After losing 15lbs and 15 inches last year, I thought I could jump back into this with the same enthusiasm and vigor.  But nope, I just don't feel like it.  I guess because my weight hasn't jumped up yet or because my clothes are still pretty loose on me, it hasn't hit me that I really need to get off my ass and move.  The other thing is that I'm rebelling against running.  You read right.

Running (or should I say jogging) was the primary reason for my weight loss last year.  But I hated just about every minute of it because my cardio endurance is low relative to my muscular strength.  Plus, I hate most cardio (besides dance and kickboxing) on a good day.   So why stick with what you hate, you might ask?  Well, my husband bought a new treadmill for both of us to use after I told him that I would most definitely use it if he paid for it.  Dammit!  I should have known he'd take me at my word and go buy the darn thing.  I used the treadmill pretty faithfully from April to October before the love affair died. 

From November through the end of December, I used the treadmill sporadically, only to keep my husband quiet.  I didn't want to hear him going on and on about how he spent this money for both of us or how I never follow through with my fitness goals because he has said things like this before.  He talks shit because he knows it will light a fire under my ass, in most instances.  But now, I really don't know if I give a damn what he says.  Nevertheless, things would be different if I was actually doing some form of exercise on a regular basis but right now, I'm doing nothing. Zilch, nothing, nada. I just haven't been in the mood nor have I been able to convince myself that I need to exercise right now.

I already have exercise ADD where I change my mind about the activity I'm doing every other day (or hour or minute) so this total lack of motivation is just making things worse because I know if I let things go too much further, it's going to be hell to get started again.  One of the lessons I had to learn in my 30's is that I have to be consistent with my diet and exercise program or else "things fall apart" even with the best intentions.  I think it's time to break out my before pictures for a little motivation.  This laziness trend cannot continue....

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